Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
