She went from zero to smokin in five shots
you would pick up someone in the library
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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