i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
