Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
3 2 1 whiskey
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
