im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
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Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
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I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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