I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
