eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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