Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
