There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
