I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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