I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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