...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
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I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
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I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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