How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
