I think im going to throw up on grandma
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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