Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I did not marry a roomba.
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