He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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