Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
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