So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
