you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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