Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
What a dumb baby whore.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
