if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
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