Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
so that wasnt chicken after all
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
