omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
