yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
