I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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