the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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