I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
this just has baby written all over it
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
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Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
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after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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