My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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