hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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