Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
