there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
