I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
