Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Is this like a preordered booty call?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize