Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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