I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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