My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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