I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
