My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
