Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Success! We fucked roommates!
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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