you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
