that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
