o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
