why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He has the fingertips of a God
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
