she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
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Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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