so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
