At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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