I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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