They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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