hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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