i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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