dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I pour the whiskey from now on
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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