would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
