I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
