My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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