Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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