I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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