Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
