So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
