last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
