You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
