Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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