The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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