i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize