This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
