She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
