I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
