Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
