You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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