i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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