i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Randomize
